How To Attract Women or What puts Women off Men?

I was recently at a weekend seminar involving games play. the focus was on building confidence and certainty in developing businesses and business ideas.

The major focus was on a form of personal development that enabled financial growth and success.

What has this to do with how to attract women? The seminar had a greater percentage of women attendees than men, even though you might think that the content was more male oriented.

So here was presented, as often in the personal development world, a perfect opportunity for men to show themselves in their strength and power for women’s benefit. As is, unfortunately, normal, the results were just pathetic. The men came over as scruffy, weak, introverted and the women were left wondering, “Where have all the men gone?”.

This was not what puts men off women, but the other way round.

So what was the problem with the men? Why were they left floundering?

The clue was provided by looking at the women.

The women were dressed to impress, no matter what the style. They were conscious of what they looked like and how they presented themselves. The women had a clearer idea of who they were and projected that idea far more powerfully. It doesn’t mean that they were more powerful, just that you knew where they positioned themselves in the world.

The men seemed to be unaware of how they presented themselves, who they were and how they were seen by others.

How many times have you seen a couple out for a night out, the woman is dressed to kill and the man looks like a slob in t-shirt and jeans. He thinks he’s following fashion, actually he is just showing how weak and ineffectual he is.

My partner has often said to me that she loves that I enjoy dressing up when we go out. I always consider how I look and I love dressing to kill with ‘Black Tie’ and ‘DJ’ if I can. She sees it as showing my strength and certainty and it makes her feel great.

How To Attract Women – Specific Issues

Clothes

Men in their twenties who are still slim can often get away with a great deal. A well chosen combination of jeans and t-shirt can look fantastic and very sexy. Beyond that age it just starts to look lazy and a mess. The clothes lack co-ordination, style and often never take the body types into consideration. There is nothing wrong with a larger man, It just needs to be taken into consideration when dressing.

Hair

Long or short, it is not important, but stylish and trimmed makes a world of difference. Greasy, uncared for and hidden beneath a sweat stained baseball cap—ughh! Think of what would happen if a woman wanted to touch your hair, something women like to do!

Stance

Standing or sitting this immediately sends a message. Do you slouch in your chair with legs spread wide? Do you realise how unattractive this is, how inconsiderate? When you stand do you bend in a defensive position or do you show your confidence?

Expression

Expression can, and does, display everything you are feeling. So often men look dead inside, not helpful in learning how to attract women. Is it because they are… dead inside? When there is expression it can suggest he is unsure, out of his depth, and fearful. You have a greater concentration of muscles in your face than any other part of our body. This is so that your face can show your inner being.

Walk

Humans are different because they walk upright, or at least they are supposed to. You show your superiority this way. If you walk in an upright, confident posture you do not need to resort to intimidation or dominance. Others can see you for what you are, even from a distance.

Tonality

I was concerned about the amount of hesitation that was shown by the men. When this is combined with the awful modern habit (particularly in Australia and America) of raising the tone at the end of a sentence, we get a strong picture of someone who doesn’t know what to say.

Speech

Words are everything, they can convey a rich depth and subtlety of meaning. Well at least that is the case for those that use them. Short sentences without elaboration or colour convey simply a lack of imagination. Imagination is what can drive a man forward and make him exciting—Hmmm!

Communication

Words are still only 7% of communication. What happens to the rest of it. Body language, that rich minefield of ‘tells’ and ‘secrets’, reveals even those aspects of yourself you are desperate to conceal. Whether you are speaking the truth, whether you actually believe what you say. Just watch Bobby Goren in ‘Law & Order, Criminal Intent’ and see this in action.

Attitude

Do you even care? Does it even matter to you? Do you want to know how to attract women? Are you just an island in this amazing world of people and relationships? I hope not! Indeed I don’t believe people who apparently don’t care. Perhaps it’s just that they don’t know where to start? It begins with awareness, with that all else flows.

Presence

Getting all of the above right creates presence. Women will give everything for a man with genuine presence, a man who can walk into a room and make heads turn. Presence starts inside, it starts with yourself. Presence shows the real essence of a man. Do you have it?

I know that seems a lot! It’s not necessary to work on them all at once. Start with one thing, your clothes or your hair and keep going. Remember this is not about attracting women it’s about taking yourself seriously, believing in yourself. It’s important to know how to attract women, it is even more important to have inner certainty and strength.

  • Can you see yourself as others see you?
  • Do you want to change this?
  • Do you want to become a man that takes himself seriously?

2 comments

  1. Graham – very good and interesting post. You’ve hit it on the head. Many men are pretty clueless on much of this, and the reason in my experience as a men’s coach is lack of role models and lack of knowledge.
    Thanks for this post, cheers.
    Michael

    • Graham Phoenix says:

      Michael, thanks for that. I agree that the issue of role models id important. That’s why we must keep working to help men find the knowledge and the wherewithal to ride this wave.

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