How Women Test Men – How Do Men Respond?

There are three men Tom, Dick and Harry, let’s look at how they react to women, how they react to femaleness. Are they men that can’t love?

how women test men

Tom found that women usually lost interest in him. They started off feeling attracted to him, then when they acted ‘moody’ he saw it as a sign that he need to fill an emotional need in them. He filled that need, becoming their emotional punchbag. The women became aloof and were, eventually, repulsed by him. They walked away. Females!!

Dick found his relationships crashing and burning. When they acted ‘moody’ with him he just walked away, he thought that if a woman doesn’t want to be with you, that was that. They don’t know what they want, no point dealing with their unpredictable behaviour. He saw intimate relationships as a power-play of status, sexual rights and control. He walked away.

Harry had a secure long-term relationship and found women constantly interested in him. When his woman acted ‘moody’ he listened and gave her the space to talk. He stayed true to what he felt and ensured she understood that. He was confident in himself and was not affected by the wild emotional swings he was experiencing. He knew what was good for them and was open and straight with her, even if it ‘hurt’ her. They stayed together

All three men had the same advantages in terms of looks, wealth and other ‘important’ issues, so what’s the difference in their behaviour, given that the women initially acted the same way each time? The difference is in how they reacted to female testing, that reaction resulted in the dramatically different results. The difference is in love and men.


What is female testing?

In a recent post, Pleading Does Not Hack It, while talking about the failure of a man’s relationship through too much pleading, I said’

“Finally I just want to say a quick word about female testing. They will always do it, as long as you are together. Women need to trust their men and the only way they can be sure you are trustworthy is to constantly test it. Look for it and love it. If it upsets you, you are finished, try becoming a monk instead.”

A women is attracted to a man who is in control of himself but not controlling, to her the most unattractive trait in a man is insecurity. A woman has a constant need to know where she is with a man, she needs to feel safe, to feel excited and to feel free. That’s the source of women testing men.

A major feminine characteristic is trust. She needs to trust her man, totally trust him, with her emotions, with her life. Only when a woman can trust a man will she surrender to him, will she love him. Unfortunately men are not good at showing emotions, they tend to keep things hidden, they tend not to talk very much. So it’s no use a woman asking a man about this, the best she might get will be a shrug. So testing is the only proven method that gets results, that shows the truth, that reveals the sub-conscious motives of a man.


How women test men?

Men all know that women test them all the time, women can’t help it. But why do they do it? There are a few simple reasons:

  1. Defence Mechanism

    She needs a man to know that he can’t take her for granted, she is not a push-over. She needs a man to show that he can respect her. She wants a man to see that she has standards and that he has to meet them.

  2. Screening

    She needs to find a man that she can’t take for granted, he is not a push-over. She needs to know that she can respect him. She wants to see how strong emotionally he is, how smart he is.

  3. Need for Re-assurance

    She wants the certainty that a man cares for her and wants to protect her. She wants to know that he is trustworthy and that she is safe surrendering to him and his love.

  4. Love

    She wants a man to know that she loves him, that he is important to her. Only a man she cares for and wants in her life is worth constantly testing.

  5. Ego Inflation

    Sometimes a woman tests because she enjoys making a man uncomfortable, because she can. Men ask for it by getting nervous and uncertain. Ultimately she wants a man to reveal himself, particularly if he is not uncomfortable is his masculinity. This is not meant cruelly, but to help the man see who he really is and what he needs to do to become worthy of her.

  6. Abandonment Complex

    This is a serious issue that needs to be treated with care by a man. It is a psychological trait that a woman has stemming from abandonment by men, usually starting with her father. Often nothing the man can do will satisfy the inability of the woman to trust the man. It is not solvable by the man (men, don’t try to solve it!) and needs professional help.


How do men react to testing?

The more a man passes a woman’s test, the more intimacy he achieves with her, the more he is trusted by her. Women want a man who is in control of himself yet slightly out of control; a confident, independent man who excels in life. This is because a woman ultimately surrenders herself to a man who she believes to be ‘the one’. If a man doesn’t understand this then he can create chaos in a relationship. As we saw at the beginning a man can fall victim to the testing or get angry with it. Either way he fails. He can, however, take it in his stride, be a rock, be sure of himself and let her swirl around him. The he passes. There is no control involved, just openness and freedom, on both sides.

Tom Dick and Harry.

So what about Tom, Dick and Harry. By now you should have worked it out. Tom is needy and falls victim to her tests, he fails because he has no inner strength that enables her to trust him. Dick is angry and doesn’t respect women, he fails because he will always be fighting her. Harry treats her with respect but also respects himself. He passes because he is strong and certain, she can trust him because he trusts himself.

What am I to do?

Best to just accept that women do and will test men. Be aware of it when it happens and deal with it in a way that gains you authority and understanding in the relationship. Personally, I see it as a supreme act of love. I become nervous when I am not being tested by my partner. She loves me and she wants to show it, she wants to feel safe with me, she wants to know if I love her.

Did this post resonate with you?

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49 Responses to How Women Test Men – How Do Men Respond?

  1. P.s. I do have some insecurities of my own and I am working on them. Sometimes they confuse me bacause I wonder if my intuition in testing him is because of my insecurity or because of what is happening in my relationship. But the good thing is I am working on personal growth and I’ve spent a lot of time trying to understand how men like to be treated and communicated with. If you have two people who really care about each other, working with each other magical. It is still scary though and doing the test I did scares me because I know my partner may think I am insecure and run away but something drove me to ask the questions I asked.

  2. I am a woman and I asked some questions of my partner when i was feeling vulnerable about his feelings for me. I realise now I was testing him. It also hurt me to ask him these questions, because I feel deeply for him. All I want to do is be loyal to him and respect him. I needed to know if he felt the same about me too. Your words are so kind and beautiful and you are right. If a man takes the time to show his lady she can really trust him, she will open up to him and love him and want to surrender to him. This man is confident and kind and so far has shown me trust which is why I want to respect him deeply and treat him like a king.

  3. I was getting on really well with this girl and I really liked her because she made me feel motivated! like no other!!! anyway there was something about this girl that made me insecure. I moved out of town to work because I thought that is what I needed to do to impress her, boy I was wrong. I ended up making her very sad because she just wanted to hang out with me and she had no one else because they were busy.

    after I moved away she still talked to me and started convos and skype calls but one night she started talking to me and didn’t reply for a while because she was playing video games. I got really frustrated because of a load of crap going wrong in my life and I called her a name without even knowing what I did.

    she stopped talking to me then randomly sent me a “.” dot one night, we sorted things out that night but not completely. after then it’s been test after test and I fail all, I don’t know how to deal with them(I never knew about these tests at the time). she breaks it off with me and then msgs me later the week. anyway I think I failed too much and she stopped for 2 weeks now.

    So I want know what you can tell me about this girl?
    And is there anyway to pass these test if fail once?

  4. Hi there I have problems with my girlfriend . She seems to believe that she is always right when we have an argument . I love her and want to be with her but if we live together again she will be verbally abusive around me if I argue
    with her mostly over silly topics . Now that I live alone we both still want each
    other , we miss each other . She wants us to be friends and get to know one another as she believes we rushed into the relationship . I want to hold her and work things out as a partner not a buddy .

  5. Men in general are egotistical, arrogant, and narcissistic, some of them play this male coolness where they act like aliens who do not understand how Earthlings talk to one another. A man will stay quiet around his woman, but let him get near a group of men, especially at a card game. ball game, or strip club. You see a whole different man. Men are play games with women more than women do. We women need to be aware of this. And yet men spread this myth that it is women who play games.

    . But the point is, if men would open their mouths and stop acting like they have a deep dark secret made of gold, and tell women up front how they feel, as we tell them, then women would not have to play the “What are you thinking’ game with them.
    What is the purpose in men acting like stoops anyway? How much money do they win, in their “keep silent” game that makes women distrust them. 12:50 pm 4-26-14

  6. My wife wants me to look for another job to see if I can make more money so she does not have to work part time. Our are children are grown and out of the house. I love my job and im good at it. It seems like a love test to me.
    how should I respond?

  7. Great article, all of this is true. Women test men for just that reason, so see if they are men and how congruent they are. They are hardwired to do this and it is not difficult to pass their tests…just learn to have an abundance of women and you won’t give a damn when they test you.

    • i m totally agree with you…
      let’s think from a girl’s perspective..” wow what a handsome guy, ohk! interested in me!! why not to test him whether he is fit for me..
      ohk this guy is…now i can love him… ”
      every stuff whatever we read in internet can never have anything to do with what we call “love”..and the reason is, there are very less people who know what love is……remaining all are fake, nothing else..

  8. If you honestly think you are creating a healthy relationship by having a woman constantly having her test you for reassurance due to her own insecurities and past baggage… I say good luck to that. You can’t fix a broken woman, she has to fix herself. A pillar for a great relationship is trust, by her testing your feelings when you put yourself out there, just makes me not trust her with my feelings. Nice try on the article though.

  9. I’ve known this girl for 8 years , but the whole time was in a relationship which is why I think we were able to become actual friends. Her relationship didn’t go so well and eventually left him to be on her own. In the last year we’ve been attached at the hip but never crossed the line but did notice myself becoming physically attracted to her more and more to the point that I had to hold my arm down from reaching over to her and holding her close. Why because I really dont want to make her react quickly and then see it as a mistake being that she is still getting use to the idea of being single and seems to be really taking it in as a moment of her life to see who she really is as a single woman. Where as last month I really thought she was starting to open up to the idea of being close, that one night we were at a house party and we were sitting close and started talking closely and she started to cry. I pulled her in close and held her tight, which eventually led to me giving her a foot rub, then a leg massage which then really caught attention of the other guest. We were asked to leave and went back to her place and really just passed out into sleep. Time after that she brought up that night and said that it was the worst night ever and didn’t remember anything good from that night, I reminded her and she said that it was a mistake and wouldn’t let that happen again. I asked her if I continued to pursue her what she would do, and she said that she blows up when guys try to get close to her emotionally and turn their backs on her when they find this out. I told her that I wasn’t going anywhere regardless of how she responded to me. After this I told myself that she continues to test me by shooting me down and seeing if I show my true colours and tell her off or walk away to find a more willing girl. Is she testing me? I feel every time she’s hard on me I become a bit stronger . But I worry I’m blindly positive about her.

  10. I found a lot of what I read in this article to be true. So on that note, the author has scored some points with me. Yet, when it comes to the idea of letting a woman test you, especially when she seems emotionally unstable or chronically indecisive, I wasn’t agreeing with the author all that much. An emotionally unhealthy woman will not simply “test” you to get closer to you, but will keep testing for the wrong reasons. One of them is narcissism. I met a lot of women who were either abused or hurt by men and in turn have built up this great narcissistic tendency in order to overcompensate. They dress up like they’re fashion models or they reveal their sexy cleavage so that they can attract men’s attention. Then when men react to their inviting looks or behaviors, they “swat” it down. I know that this is essentially what the author is calling a “test,” but the problem is that this type of test isn’t something designed to move the relationship forward. She wasn’t test you to get to know you. She was simply testing you for the superficial satisfaction of getting attention from you (and other men she does this to) but never having any idea what she really wants. These are typically the chronically single women, who can’t seem to decide on what they really want, or who’ve never been able to hone the art of reading clues and signs from the man.
    Now, the continuum is very broad when it comes to the degree of narcissistic dysfunction: all the way from flirtatious greetings that elicit a slight warmth in a guy’s heart to dressing up like a porn star that make every Dick and John’s head turn. I know that this author is trying to focus on a certain pattern of traits all women fall into when it comes to dealing with men, but nevertheless, the author misses one simple point: every woman responds differently to individual men. For instance, I’ve met a flakey woman who was flakey because she was insecure of and intimidated by men who she thought were handsome. I’ve also met flakey women who were that way because she wanted to see if she could control the guy by turning him into a sap. If he was one, she would use him. If he wasn’t she would simply ignore him. Typically, what I found to be common amongst above average women in the looks department was that they tend to flirt first, pull back, then watch how the guy reacts. If the man responds too fast or too eagerly, she will interpret that as someone who is desperate or isn’t sought after by women too much.

  11. Hi, first of all. Thank you for your amazing website. I’ve been in a 7 years relationship. It has been a relationship with honesty, secure and passion. Then she left me. And it hurt me badly. Then I suddently realise, that it was quite opposite. I was very dishonest and never gave her the security and passion she deserve, because of my insecurity and I hurt her very much.

    What i’ve learn from this website and experience in life in general. Women test men is excactly because they are extremely afraid of beeing hurt. You must know your security over yourself. Know what you want in life and how you manage your life, thats the key to a womans heart (to get to my heart is get past my stomache, that’s true ;-)). And show her the reason you want her with 100% brutal honesty.

    But I’ve a problem. I’m well educated, charming, have a secure job and good income, women find me very attractive, but i always failing in tests. Emotionally, i’m not over my past relationship and i’m not sure i had matured yet. Should i pursue a new relationship with brutal honesty? or should I wait for beeing emotionally ready? And when do i know i’ve matured?

    Thank you again.

  12. Dear Graham Phoenix
    Such a helpful article. Hope you can give me some advices.
    I’m in love with a girl. She’s 23 and I’m 24. I met her in an English class 5 months ago. jundging from the outside, she’s very confident, active and sweet. However, I realize, little by little, that she is lonely, insicurity and lacks confidence because of bad experience in the past. I don’t want her to run away from me so hided my feelings and stand by her side to support her. Last week, she suddenly asked me if I loved her and i confessed all my feelings for her. She said she let me into her life cause she feels safe and confident when I’m with her; but she refused it is love. She assumes that she is not worthy because of her past. Frist she said she didn’t need anything from me and leave her alone in her own world. At the end of our conversation, she told me to stay where I am and wait. She promised she would stop running.
    Is she testing me? What should I do? She is still sweet with me when we are alone toghether.
    Thank you.
    PS : I’m still working on my English.

    • Thank you for your comment, Berry. Most of us are, deep down, lonely, insecure and lack confidence. I like that you stand by her side supporting her. You shouldn’t need to hold back your feelings, but you need to take care of how you express them. She wants to know if you love her because she needs to trust you in a deep and confident way. She doesn’t think it’s love in her because she doesn’t feel she is worthy of love, but you know that. When she told you to stay and wait, that is her way of expressing love for you. Yes, she is testing you because she wants to know if your love is real, she wants to know if you will stay around. But she is also testing herself, can she trust what she feels, is she worthy of your love.

      What you need to do is hold fast to what you feel and don’t expect anything in return. If you truly love her you can wait, you’ve plenty of time. She will open open up slowly but only if you remain constant and true to her. She clearly has not been able to trust men in her life to date, give her the opportunity to change this view of men, allow her to trust you.

  13. What annoys me the most is the HUGE double standard women have. Men are always expected to reassure women and make them feel more secure. But if a man is feeling a bit insecure and needs reassurance from his girl. Then the girls are like “yeah thats a turn off”. Why is that people like you only focus on the women’s perspective? What about the man’s perspective? What about the man’s needs? What about the man’s vulnerabilities? A man is a human being with the same human emotions for God’s sake. Stop forcing men to be things they are not.

    • Trust me, I am looking from the man’s perspective trying to help men see the reality of the difference between men and women. Nothing is expected from men, it’s just that they can transform their experience if they understand what women are like.

      Men have needs and vulnerabilities but they need to find ways to work them out other than with their women. Men need men friends they can talk to and be open with to resolve these issues.

      I suggest you stop being so angry and start to look at your emotions and learn how to become what you are, not what you think I am forcing you to be.

      If you want to talk about these issues please let me know, I’ll be happy to talk to you.

      • I recently expressed to my girl whom I haven’t spoken to for a week now that I don’t tolerate be unappreciated. She wanted tacos for dinner. I said okay, picked the place told her to meet me (which I did the most driving to meet her). Get there she’s not hungry and says she has to work early in the morning. At this time I’m irritated with her and confronts her about it. She gets all hurt and leaves. I tell her to f*** off you unappreciative person. I could’ve said it nicer but I didn’t. She needed to know how I felt honestly. Now she’s trying to act like she hates me. Knowing damn well she don’t want a push over. I’m going to ignore her, let her suffer now.

        • Brandon, the only person who’s going to suffer is you. You have such a sense of entitlement. It’s time to stop being a boy and let that go.

          You have this idea that she doesn’t want a push over, you’re right she doesn’t but she doesn’t want a dominating bully either.

          You don’t tolerate being unappreciated … WOW… What you showing some appreciation. Are you interested in her at all or is she just there to make you feel good.

          You have a lot to learn and I could help you learn it. Let me know if you’re ready to start becoming a man…

  14. I wish I had read this article weeks ago. I was dumped 2 weeks ago by a woman who used to test me frequently about virtually everything. She admitted early on in the relationship that she had trust issues stemming from the relationship prior to ours. I was a Dick (literally) by responding to her tests with frustration, defensive behavior, and anger. She dumped me, the first time, around a month ago but we remained in contact and after a while, she warmed back up to me. The tests resumed days later and the last time I flipped on her and was extremely harsh to her. She left for “good” then. I now realize that her leaving me (both times) was yet, another test and that she still was in love with me. Needless to say, I screwed it up big time on Friday and now she doesn’t want to speak to me. I think that secretly she was holding out hope that I’d come around and finally be the “one” she used to think of me as. Learning lessons in hindsight is one of the most frustrating things about the human condition.

    • You may think you are learning lessons in hindsight but you can, and I hope you will, apply them to any future relationship. It’s clear she was attracted to you but had to deal with her trust issues…

      Next time see the testing as a sign of love.

  15. well if you trust your partner then you really don’t have to put him/her to the test. tests are for insecure people. insecurities lead people to other people who want to have sex so they can “fill in” the emotional gap and that’s how relationships get broken. graham..i’m sorry to say but you don’t look or sound like a chick magnet. so what’s all this? telling men that insecure women are safe to play with?

    • No I’m not a chick magnet, but you would be amazed at how many women are attracted to me. Don’t think you know it all, you don’t. Female testing is not about filling an emotional gap, that is a different issue altogether, one that you analyse correctly. Testing is about trust and about a woman knowing that she can truly open herself up to a man without getting hurt. In my experience I can see why women do this, I see so many men abandoning women and leaving with families to look after.

  16. Best way too get beyond the constant merry go round of a women’s gameplay,prodding and probes is too create diversionary scenarios that won’t let the stale stench of insecurity and predictability creep in
    Women emotionally are a sophisticated version of children……..their relationships are not an aspect of their lives,they are their lives and like children they need too be stimulated and made too feel secure otherwise just like a child whom lacks parental attention or stimulation they will become a never ending headache
    Put simply guys if you keep her busy being involved in your life she will feel valued and fulfilled
    Easier said than done I know!!! But if you can achieve that blissful state where you are both enjoying the ride rather than be focused on the destination you can avoid boredom and monotony which are the fuel cells that feed the obsessive testing woman machine
    Too many men fall into the trap of allowing their relationships too develop into a never ending give and take power play over a faded ideal forged in an earlier incarnation of the relationship
    If ya show her what you got and challenge her too do the same there’s no need for testing
    Either that or keep her barefoot and pregnant……ha ha
    NOTE:Iv learnt nothing about woman but I never miss a class!!!

    • Clearly you have been learning too much about gameplay in dating. This might work in this short term arena, but when it comes to a serious long-term relaxation ship you will quickly be found out.

  17. This article opened my eyes to some seemingly strange behavior from a close female friend. Now it makes sense to me. I welcome her testing. I’ve developed a strong respect for this woman. She knows what questions that need to be asked and knows how to get the information. She keeps poking till I bring up the correct information. I find the experience very beautiful. She sets the pace of the relationship and the boundaries. I feel a deep love and respect for her.

    • David

      Thanks for that, I appreciate your sharing your experience. It’s a revelation when you connect with what is going on in your woman, suddenly everything seems very different. Well done for seeing what’s going on.

      Maybe now it’s time or you to set the pace of the relationship, that’s probably what she’s looking for.


  18. Hi Graham:

    So me and this chick really hit it off and there were no test the first month. Well she went on a ski trip with her “girlfriends” and since she’s been back there has been all kinds of test. I have no problem with them and have continued to do the opposite of what she expects me to do which has worked so far. I’m pretty sure her friends told her to do the classic “don’t make yourself too available” test because I asked her to hang out everyday last weekend and she replied with a vague no.

    So since then she has texted me first everyday for the last week and I take a couple hours to reply with a short response. So I can tell she’s getting frustrated that I’m not playing along and getting frustrated by her test. So I said all this to ask: Where do I go from here? I mean eventually she will stop texting me and I don’t want to chase her because that will make things worse so when she does stop texting me do I text her first but still wait several hours in between text? or just move on?

    • James

      Thanks for sharing your experience. I’m sure she has been taking advice from her girlfriends, but I suspect she doesn’t trust it. My advice to you is to stop playing games with her and follow your heart.

      For a start stop texting, it’s no way to run a relationship, it’s cold and impersonal. Take the initiative and ring her up, talk to her and let her feel your energy. There is no need to chase her or please her, just tell her what you want, just go for it.

      The important thing is to take the lead and stop working out how to respond to her.

      Let me know how you get on.


  19. So the #1 turn off for women is insecurity, but that’s also what stems these constant tests. That (insecurity) is the biggest turn off for me. Just enjoy the time we spend together, or I can’t enjoy it either. Testing should be kept in the dating phase unless there is a REAL threat to the relationship.

    • I understand why you think they should be kept to the dating phase, that would make it a lot easier for us men. The fact is they aren’t and it’s about time we, as man, started to understand why. I prefer to deal with the reality of live rather than try to change ny partner.

    • Casey

      Nice idea but it just doesn’t work that way. Women are turned off by insecurity in a man because they need a sense of security for a relationship to grow. If insecurity in a woman is a turn off for you then I wish you luck, you’ll find it hard to find a woman who fits your need.

      Tell me how many men you know who remain completely reliable and trustworthy once the dating phase is over? I don’t meet many, and I include myself in that. Women are hard-wired to check how much they can trust a man, only when they know they can does that disappear.

      For a woman everything and anything is a real threat to the relationship, they are just not like me and you.

      Take the lead, let your demands go and just respond to the testing with love. You will find life radically transformed.


  20. i will just be very happy to meet a woman that can just accept me for who i am, instead of going after the rich guy today.

  21. God, this sounds AWFUL! She’s going to test ME? Then who gets to test HER? Oh,women do not want to be tested? Gee, that’s fair!

      • Why? Because he challenged what you wrote? Also, I’ve seen the exact words you’ve used, ad verbatim, years ago, by other writers. Just a thought.

        Quit using the shaming tactics and write your own words if you want someone to listen to your advice.

        • No, because it sounds like he has a real beef about women. This site is about looking t yourself not passing on blame. It’s interesting what you say about the words because the stories were completely invented by me.

          Thank you for your comments.

          • Mr. Phoenix – If I misstated my point, then it is my own fault. My “beef” , if that is what you said, is that there seems to be this double standard out there that you do not mind at all.
            It is only a problem for guys who “play” and feel that it is not fair to them. I do not see who ( or whom) I “blamed” for thinking that men get to approach and be “tested”. If you believe that to be fair, I have no “beef” and no “problem”
            with you thinking that way. That is your own way if you choose to take it.

          • Dave, I’m not sure what you are upset about. Try changing your thinking and look at the situation from a woman’s point of view. Maybe the problem is that you see it about “playing”, is that fair? Testing is about trust in a relationship.

  22. […] Wheeler is also scared of his wife, as so many men are. Not only does he not understand her, he doesn’t try to. He is afraid of […]

  23. Yes, women will test us. We believe they are crazy. Often unconsciously they are expressing or reacting to what we aren’t expressing.

    I always have to ask if a woman is being ‘crazy’ what am I not saying.

    • Owen, thanks for the comment. One of the great issues for men is ‘not saying’. The consequence is women keep testing us precisely because they just don’t understand where we are in our heads and what we think and feel. Your answer is great, ask them. Talk to them so they realise you understand and want to make it right. This goes a long way to smoothing out the situation. The third point in my ten point run-down for men in Keep it Fresh is ‘Don’t Make Assumptions’, in other words ask.

  24. I feel like this is a bunch of bull. I appreciate the way you laid out ‘how’ women try to challenge manhood, but get this completely understood: Once tried, they should be always true. The constant testing of a man’s manhood is not to be confused with her love for him, it is solely childish behavior or internal issues within herself. If the couple changes that much that they need the constant testing, then by all means, I implore them to find ways of enjoying the game. I do agree though that there are some test of both women and men that will undoubtedly happen as they get to know each other, but for a constant testing of anything is the ultimate form of stupidity and labeled in my book as childish. If you’re going to keep trying me, then I’m going to believe that you don’t trust me, especially if I’ve never given you a reason not to – personally trust issues, you’re right, should be handled by a professional, because I’m not God, and I didn’t tailor your baggage. Besides that, I love women :-D.

    • Kenny, I understand how you feel but you should understand how important this is. It would be OK for women to be always true if in fact men could always be relied on to be constant, loving and dependable. The sad truth is that men are flaky at the best of times and downright hypocritical at others. We shift and change, we get irritated (often by the very testing that is designed to resolve the situation) and our needs remain undeclared. Women find it, generally, almost impossible to understand us. So the keep testing. It really isn’t childish behaviour, it’s because the woman needs to know that her love is reciprocated and not mis-directed. How many men do you know that are open, clear and specific about what they feel, think and need.

      Yes, when the relationship is great, open and free the testing starts to disappear. The woman finds she doesn’t need it because the answers she gets give her confidence and bolster her love for her man.

      You may love women, but I think you need to go further in understanding them. You, like many/most men find the testing frustrating. As soon as you stop seeing it as childish but as a deep declaration of love your approach to it will change and the need for it will disappear. That is what I have found in my relationship. When it happens we laugh about it and feel even closer. If you love women then you need to love everything they do.

      Finally are you sure that you never give a women a reason not to trust you? If so you are an amazing man!

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