So why am I so angry, what’s the matter with me. I’ve just been to a great weekend in Boulder, CO, spending two days talking to men about men.
Yes, I’m tired, yes, I’m jetlagged, but there is more to it than that. I’m simply pissed off that there are so many men doing work for men, without any apparent effect. Where is their personal power?
OK, we all influence a few people, in some cases some influence lots of people, but it’s having no apparent effect. Men out in the world remain in fear and confusion. They are unable to form a relationship with a woman and they hate that. They hate the culture that has brought them to this point where nothing seems to work.
Personal Power for Men
So what’s the problem, you say, there are all these men’s groups out there healing wounds and helping men to sit around and relate to each other. Well maybe there are, I’ve never been to one, and I’ve never met a man, other than last weekend, who has and found it helped him. I’m not condemning them, I’m sure they do work, honestly, I just don’t think they are effective for men as a whole.
So there are men out there who don’t know how to be a man, as a result they are screwing up their own lives and the lives of the women they have relationships with. These men float around seeking change and not knowing how to get it. No, they don’t want to meet with other men every week and swap stories about how to be a man, no, they don’t want counselling, no, they don’t want to be fixed. They just want to be released from the pressure of the society, the culture they live in. They just want to be a man without feeling guilty about it.
In being a man, they want to have a job they enjoy, they want to feel good about themselves, they want to enjoy time with their mates and they want to relate to women without being scared of what will happen. They don’t want the women to laugh at them for being inadequate, they don’t want to women to scream at them for being abusive. They just want to enjoy time with them and feel that they can relate to them as people. Perhaps they can find one to settle down with and have children, and for it to work. They want to respect a woman and be respected back and they don’t want to be mocked by society for it, because it is society creating this problem not women themselves.
They’re not interested in a new paradigm, they don’t want to touch their inner souls or warrior archetypes, they just want a simple life that they can enjoy, one that makes them feel great.
So how do we help these men? How do we reach them? How can we get them to understand that it is all possible? How can we get the message over that it is possible without oppressing women without being a macho dickhead who only looks to himself?
Men need to feel in charge, men need to feel a sense of certainty and authority. Society, today, mocks that, seeks equality and empowerment for all. Ok, you can want that, but understand the effect. Yes, you can drink yourself stupid every night, but understand the effect.
The effect of this great social move to equality is that you just shift the fear from men to women. A lot of people think that’s ok, I don’t. I don’t want the fear to stay with women, but neither do I want it on men. I want men to grow and be strong and I want women to empower this grow with their own.
This is not to seek equality but polarity. Polarity between men and women, polarity that empowers both, polarity that creates a buzz in this world. The polarities that will blow open this culture for all of us, not create personal power..
Latest posts by Graham Reid Phoenix (see all)
How Yoga Helped Me Find The Stillness In Masculinity
I have found that Yoga has enabled me to balance my personality and find my 'Still Point'. I use it to observe myself and deepen my masculinity with compassion, awareness and understanding. It has transformed me into a man who is both more alive and calmer.- November 2, 2016
Today I Felt the Shame of Being a Man
Graham experiences what it is like to be woman who is not listened to and suppressed. He looks at what men can do to fill this gender gap. Today I felt the pain of being a woman… Today I felt the shame of being a man…- October 26, 2016
Obesity in Men: What Is The Truth
Britain’s fattest man, Carl Thompson, was 33 years old and weighed 65 stone when he died in 2015. For those not from Britain, that is 410 kilos or 910 pounds. He was housebound, bed-ridden and alone. This was a man whose life had moved out of balance, and who ended up in a miserable, early death. This is an example of the issue of obesity in men.- October 16, 2016