How To Love A Woman
10 Ways For Men To Love

how to love a woman

Men seek comfort, confirmation that they are ok. Most men are, at heart, uncertain about themselves. Men want answers to many questions, an important one is “How to love a woman?”

Do you know what love is? You form a relationship and get married to affirm your place in the world. You learn, you think, how to treat a woman, how to be with her. You call that love. But ultimately it doesn’t seem to work. You wonder where love went.

Perhaps it was never really love in the first place, perhaps it was an attempt to feel the comfort you found with your mother. A man’s wife, girlfriend or partner is not his mother. The love you need to show her is of a totally different kind. It’s critical that you understand this in learning how to love a woman. See Men Who Can’t Love for a view on why you might find it difficult to love your woman.

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Here are 10 ways to access this love and create an amazing relationship, how to love a woman:

1. Start by loving yourself

Start by loving yourself

If you are unable to love yourself, you are unable to love someone else.

This is something that men, particularly, have trouble with. You might respect yourself, think you are absolutely amazing, but loving yourself, that’s a bit sissy.

No it’s not, it’s the basis of life and the basis of a balanced personality. If you have a troubled relationship you should look, first of all, to yourself, this is often where the trouble lies.

2. Tell her you love her

Tell her you love her

This is lesson two of how to love a woman. Tell her you love her!

This means saying the words so she completely understands and is in no doubt about it. You love her. She needs you to say this all the time and she needs you to volunteer it, not say it in reply to her questioning.

The worst thing you can say is, “You know I do.” She doesn’t, that’s why she’s asking… Duh…

3. Just love her for herself

Just love her for herself

Your love is not conditional, it is not based on any special qualities. You love her.

Women have qualities we love in them, perhaps they’re smart, or sexy, or inspirational, or funny, or even rich. This is not why you love her, you love her just because of her, nothing else.

Even though you celebrate everything that she is, even though you worship her for what she does in the world, she needs to know that you simply love her, no matter what. This is so crucial.

4. Live in your power

Live in your power

Whilst a man in love is an emotional being he must not stop being the man he is.

Your love should come from the power inside yourself, from your very soul. The love must be part of your power as a man and it must be part of how you live.

You must remain just who you are, you must be the man she met and fell in love with.

She finds excitement in your masculine strength, particularly when it laced with love. Don’t ever let her down.

5. Don’t live in the past

Don't live in the past

Never dwell on the past and use it to judge your woman.

Life does not always treat us well and we certainly don’t always treat life well. Things go wrong and we mess up. Strife in our loving relationship is something to let go of once it’s over, it’s something to let slip into the past.

We must learn the lessons and move on ensuring that we don’t go there again. Move on and live, always, in the present.

6. Get to know her

Get to know her

How often do you say, “My wife doesn’t understand me.” What you really mean is, “I don’t understand my wife.”

Love can only grow and deepen through understanding. You can never get to the point where you think you know everything about her, no woman is that simple. She is a complex person that even she doesn’t understand.

You need to love her and get to know her with patience and determination.

7. Count your blessings

Count your blessings

Count the blessings you have together, the things you have achieved together, all that you are as a couple.

This should be a regular part of your life together. While I said, above, don’t live in the past, it’s ok to recount the great things in the past. This must be tempered with looking at the amazing things you are going to do in the future.

As a rule of thumb it is advisable to expect a future way beyond one that you can imagine. Expectations can lead to frustration if they limit you, expecting them to go way beyond is a good step into the future.

8. Give love, always

Give love, always

Love is about giving rather than receiving.

Love is a creative force that grows out of the desire to give more than you receive.

It is crucial that you are able to receive the love that is offerred to you otherwise it quickly dies, but you have to focus on the contribution you make to her.

“Give and you shall receive”, but give without expecting anything in return.

9. Pay attention to her

Pay attention to her

Women need attention all the time.

It is absolutely vital that you understand this. Many of the annoying habits that women have are merely attempts to get your attention. Take heed of them and pay attention.

Men are focused and directed and can easily lose themselves in what they are doing. This is one of the qualities that many women love in their men, but not to the exclusion of them.

You need to find a balance that shows how important your woman is to you without losing your passion for your mission.

10. Start afresh each day

Start afresh each day

Start again as if it was the first day of the relationship.

Welcome her into your world and look forward to your day together. Give her your love and tell her you love her. Do it again in a different way and repeat. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you where to go from here.

This refreshing of your love will keep it alive and bring you closer to each other. Through this your love will deepen and become an essential part of everyday you spend together.

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So what is love… really?

It’s an overwhelming emotion you have about another person, an emotion that you can’t truly explain but you can’t get rid of.

It makes you want to be with that person, hold them, touch them, have sex with them. It shows itself as an exchange of energy, a polarity, that excites your soul.

Love makes you feel great and totally transforms life. Love is worship of the other person, the woman who is divine for you.

Love is the power house behind our lives, it is the reason we live.


Other Posts in the series 'How To Love'


Journey to the Core of the Masculine
'Conversations about Men and Masculinity'
and 'A 40 Day Challenge for Men'

"Outstanding, insightful and thought-provoking" "Finally. Dialogue to comprehend!!!"

Two sections link together into a unique and powerful whole. First is a series of conversations with Chris Howard on masculinity, sex and relationships. Second is a challenge for men to spend 40 days reflecting on themselves and their life.

51 Responses to How To Love A Woman
10 Ways For Men To Love

  1. I suck at being a husband, I didn’t have my father in my life growing up! I never agree with my wife, I just don’t know how to attend to her needs when she talks to me, I’m 51 years old I don’t think I ever can change. I know my wife is not happy with me, she try’s to make me understand her but I just can’t get it. She said, I’m wired acting!!!

    • Hi Ronnie, thanks for your comment. I understand what you are talking about – and I know it sucks! There is one thing, though, that I don’t agree with and that’s when you say, “I don’t think I ever can change”. That really isn’t true. You can change and I can show you how. Many of the men I work with start like you, with no father in their life. Email me at graham@grahamreidphoenix.com and we can arrange to talk. Graham

  2. This is wow, no doubt about it a man must love him self before he will be able to love someone, I love this words ” Love is worship of the other person”

  3. I need you to advice me.I love a gal in America,and I’m in south africa.I never meet her or talk to her,I invite her in social network and when I chat with her I get this weird feeling from everything in my body.she a student at america please help me.

  4. Graham, I love what you’ve written here, I really do!

    BRAVO!

    There’s nothing much else that comes to mind for me to say, right now, so THANK YOU for writing this!

    Steve

  5. Your a bloody genious mate. I have been able to really set a bush fire under what was a flagging 20ys of marriage. Hey guys this stuf really works!

    Dave

    • Hi Dave

      Thanks for that, I really appreciate it. It’s amazing what you can do when you step back and look at what’s going on. If you then take reponsibility and do something about it…

      Let me know how it works out.

      Graham

  6. [...] recent post, ‘10 Ways A Man Can Love A Woman‘, has been popular with both men and women, who enjoyed my take on how men can love. The [...]

  7. of a truth ,love is a virtue that we must all embrace. Thank you sir , i just discover your site which believe i that i can love people better now

    • That’s a pleasure, Blair. We all need to think about loving our women, give it our full attention. Graham

  8. This is a great list, I feel for me to be able to do this best I need to balance my alone time with together time.

    #7 is my favorite, its very easy to sit down and list all the immediate problems, so time should be taken to remember all the great times and struggles that you’ve made it through before.

  9. Great post, Graham. Like some of the others have mentioned, #4 especially struck a chord with me. I went through a period in my life where I lost my “power”; business challenges had me acting in all kinds of ways that were not aligned with my true self. And during this period of misalignment, I lost both my business and my woman.

    • Vic, thank you so much for sharing your experience. #4 is particularly important for me. I was divorced after a 35 year marriage and I lost my business. I eventually found my power and my current relationship, I will be married in a couple of months, is based on it. I know all about it from my partner and live it daily. Graham

  10. Graham:
    I thought this post was beautiful. I know this post is directed at men, but I think it was done so well and really shows us all what it means and how to truly love. I loved how it pointed us in the direction of conscious living and conscious relationships … really understanding and being sensitive to the needs of yourself and the person you are with. You have a great understanding of women and relationships. Great post with so much insight and wisdom. I will share it with all the men I know :)

    • Thank you so much for that, Sibyl. Yes, it’s written for men but there is much in it for all of us. I am looking at How women can love men and I hope to publish that soon.

      Conscious living is so important and a key that many people forget.

  11. [...] does happen when the magic happens? When a man loves a woman Can’t keep his mind on nothing else He’ll trade the world For [...]

  12. I think one of the biggest pieces in relationships and love is that it is constantly changing. A man may love an attribute about his girl one day and be annoyed by it the next. Having open communication lines to express appreciation, desire, frustration, love and hate is necessary to a lasting relationship. In short, I really think a man has to be able to look at his partner and explain why the relationship works. Ideally, he will do that on occasion without prodding.

    • Hi Patrick, thanks for your comment.

      I agree about having open communication, that is essential. Without openness and honesty a relationship is destined for failure. I’m not sure, though, about loving an attribute one day and being annoyed the next. This doesn’t sound like a relationship of clarity. This is clearly a situation where the man is not sure of himself and projects his changing opinions on his partner, that is not a good way to proceed. As I said, a man needs to start by loving himself, when he does this these kind of fluctuations should disappear. Relationships grow and develop but shouldn’t constantly change. People grow and develop but if someone is constantly changing it suggests there are issues to be dealt with.

      • Sounds more like they have communication problems. The shifting of perception is just that… A shift of perception and not indicative of moral fall ability. Maybe they argue and his likes appear to be dislikes in an emotionally unstable context.

        • Yes, but the question is why they have communication problems. What is the shift in perception all about?

  13. Hi Graham,

    I enjoyed reading your suggestions. It’s the truth that most ways of getting the most out our relationships start with respecting, caring for ourselves too.

    You say: “‘Give and you shall receive’, but give without expecting anything in return.”

    … a great approach to have in mind for life, and any relationship.

    • Hi Scott, thanks for your comment. Certainly these suggestions for loving a women apply to any relationship and more generally in life. There will shifts in nuance but the principles behind them will always apply.

    • Arvind, thank you so much for that, your comment is so touching. I speak from my life and it’s so good to find it resonates with you.

  14. Michael

    Thank you for that, I appreciate it. I agree with you about lead, it’s such an important characteristic. Leadership is vital.

  15. I like this post Graham, you have some really good points. I would add to #4 with “Lead”. One of the things your woman loves about you is your ability as a man to lead (to lead her and others). Don’t ever shirk your leadership in your relationship.
    cheers!

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