Men seek comfort, confirmation that they are ok. Most men are, at heart, uncertain about themselves. Men want answers to many questions, an important one is “How to love a woman?”
Do you know what love is? You form a relationship and get married to affirm your place in the world. You learn, you think, how to treat a woman, how to be with her. You call that love. But ultimately it doesn’t seem to work. You wonder where love went.
Perhaps it was never really love in the first place, perhaps it was an attempt to feel the comfort you found with your mother. A man’s wife, girlfriend or partner is not his mother. The love you need to show her is of a totally different kind. It’s critical that you understand this in learning how to love a woman. See Men Who Can’t Love for a view on why you might find it difficult to love your woman.
Here are 10 ways to access this love and create an amazing relationship, how to love a woman:
1. Start by loving yourself
If you are unable to love yourself, you are unable to love someone else.
This is something that men, particularly, have trouble with. You might respect yourself, think you are absolutely amazing, but loving yourself, that’s a bit sissy.
No it’s not, it’s the basis of life and the basis of a balanced personality. If you have a troubled relationship you should look, first of all, to yourself, this is often where the trouble lies.
2. Tell her you love her
This is lesson two of how to love a woman. Tell her you love her!
This means saying the words so she completely understands and is in no doubt about it. You love her. She needs you to say this all the time and she needs you to volunteer it, not say it in reply to her questioning.
The worst thing you can say is, “You know I do.” She doesn’t, that’s why she’s asking… Duh…
3. Just love her for herself
Your love is not conditional, it is not based on any special qualities. You love her.
Women have qualities we love in them, perhaps they’re smart, or sexy, or inspirational, or funny, or even rich. This is not why you love her, you love her just because of her, nothing else.
Even though you celebrate everything that she is, even though you worship her for what she does in the world, she needs to know that you simply love her, no matter what. This is so crucial.
4. Live in your power
Whilst a man in love is an emotional being he must not stop being the man he is.
Your love should come from the power inside yourself, from your very soul. The love must be part of your power as a man and it must be part of how you live.
You must remain just who you are, you must be the man she met and fell in love with.
She finds excitement in your masculine strength, particularly when it laced with love. Don’t ever let her down.
5. Don’t live in the past
Never dwell on the past and use it to judge your woman.
Life does not always treat us well and we certainly don’t always treat life well. Things go wrong and we mess up. Strife in our loving relationship is something to let go of once it’s over, it’s something to let slip into the past.
We must learn the lessons and move on ensuring that we don’t go there again. Move on and live, always, in the present.
6. Get to know her
How often do you say, “My wife doesn’t understand me.” What you really mean is, “I don’t understand my wife.”
Love can only grow and deepen through understanding. You can never get to the point where you think you know everything about her, no woman is that simple. She is a complex person that even she doesn’t understand.
You need to love her and get to know her with patience and determination.
7. Count your blessings
Count the blessings you have together, the things you have achieved together, all that you are as a couple.
This should be a regular part of your life together. While I said, above, don’t live in the past, it’s ok to recount the great things in the past. This must be tempered with looking at the amazing things you are going to do in the future.
As a rule of thumb it is advisable to expect a future way beyond one that you can imagine. Expectations can lead to frustration if they limit you, expecting them to go way beyond is a good step into the future.
8. Give love, always
Love is about giving rather than receiving.
Love is a creative force that grows out of the desire to give more than you receive.
It is crucial that you are able to receive the love that is offerred to you otherwise it quickly dies, but you have to focus on the contribution you make to her.
“Give and you shall receive”, but give without expecting anything in return.
9. Pay attention to her
Women need attention all the time.
It is absolutely vital that you understand this. Many of the annoying habits that women have are merely attempts to get your attention. Take heed of them and pay attention.
Men are focused and directed and can easily lose themselves in what they are doing. This is one of the qualities that many women love in their men, but not to the exclusion of them.
You need to find a balance that shows how important your woman is to you without losing your passion for your mission.
10. Start afresh each day
Start again as if it was the first day of the relationship.
Welcome her into your world and look forward to your day together. Give her your love and tell her you love her. Do it again in a different way and repeat. Im sure I dont have to tell you where to go from here.
This refreshing of your love will keep it alive and bring you closer to each other. Through this your love will deepen and become an essential part of everyday you spend together.
So what is love… really?
It’s an overwhelming emotion you have about another person, an emotion that you can’t truly explain but you can’t get rid of.
It makes you want to be with that person, hold them, touch them, have sex with them. It shows itself as an exchange of energy, a polarity, that excites your soul.
Love makes you feel great and totally transforms life. Love is worship of the other person, the woman who is divine for you.
Love is the power house behind our lives, it is the reason we live.
Other Posts in the series 'How To Love'
- 10 Annoying Things Men Do (Or Are They Endearing?)
- 10 Men Who Cant Love- Are You One Of Them?
- Be The Man Your Woman Will Love
- How To Be A Man - How To Be Present and Focused
- How To Love A Man - 10 Easy Steps For Women
- How To Love Yourself—The Key to your Amazing Future
- Sex Tonight - 10 Ways To Woo Your Woman
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"Journey to the Core of the Masculine is many things: a guide to masculinity, a much needed resource for the men of our time, but above all, a great read."
This is a unique and powerful book. It is a record of a series of conversations I had with Christopher Howard on masculinity, sex, addiction and relationships. In them both Chris and myself opened ourselves up in a very personal and revealing way. We held nothing back and explored what it is to be men.