Health, Fitness and Masculinity

How To Love A Woman – 10 Ways For Men To Love

Men seek comfort, confirmation that they are ok. Most men are, at heart, uncertain about themselves. Men want answers to many questions, an important one is “How to love a woman?”


Do you know what love is? You form a relationship and get married to affirm your place in the world. You learn, you think, how to treat a woman, how to be with her. You call that love. But ultimately it doesn’t seem to work. You wonder where love went.

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Perhaps it was never really love in the first place, perhaps it was an attempt to feel the comfort you found with your mother. A man’s wife, girlfriend or partner is not his mother. The love you need to show her is of a totally different kind. It’s critical that you understand this in learning how to love a woman.


Here are 10 ways to access this love and create an amazing relationship, how to love a woman:

1. Start by loving yourself

If you are unable to love yourself, you are unable to love someone else.

This is something that men, particularly, have trouble with. You might respect yourself, think you are absolutely amazing, but loving yourself, that’s a bit sissy.

No it’s not, it’s the basis of life and the basis of a balanced personality. If you have a troubled relationship you should look, first of all, to yourself, this is often where the trouble lies.

2. Tell her you love her

This is lesson two of how to love a woman. Tell her you love her!

This means saying the words so she completely understands and is in no doubt about it. You love her. She needs you to say this all the time and she needs you to volunteer it, not say it in reply to her questioning.

The worst thing you can say is, “You know I do.” She doesn’t, that’s why she’s asking… Duh…

3. Just love her for herself

Your love is not conditional, it is not based on any special qualities. You love her.

Women have qualities we love in them, perhaps they’re smart, or sexy, or inspirational, or funny, or even rich. This is not why you love her, you love her just because of her, nothing else.

Even though you celebrate everything that she is, even though you worship her for what she does in the world, she needs to know that you simply love her, no matter what. This is so crucial.

4. Live in your power

Whilst a man in love is an emotional being he must not stop being the man he is.

Your love should come from the power inside yourself, from your very soul. The love must be part of your power as a man and it must be part of how you live.

You must remain just who you are, you must be the man she met and fell in love with.

She finds excitement in your masculine strength, particularly when it laced with love. Don’t ever let her down.

5. Don’t live in the past

Never dwell on the past and use it to judge your woman.

Life does not always treat us well and we certainly don’t always treat life well. Things go wrong and we mess up. Strife in our loving relationship is something to let go of once it’s over, it’s something to let slip into the past.

We must learn the lessons and move on ensuring that we don’t go there again. Move on and live, always, in the present.

6. Get to know her

How often do you say, “My wife doesn’t understand me.” What you really mean is, “I don’t understand my wife.”

Love can only grow and deepen through understanding. You can never get to the point where you think you know everything about her, no woman is that simple. She is a complex person that even she doesn’t understand.

You need to love her and get to know her with patience and determination.

7. Count your blessings

Count the blessings you have together, the things you have achieved together, all that you are as a couple.

This should be a regular part of your life together. While I said, above, don’t live in the past, it’s ok to recount the great things in the past. This must be tempered with looking at the amazing things you are going to do in the future.

As a rule of thumb it is advisable to expect a future way beyond one that you can imagine. Expectations can lead to frustration if they limit you, expecting them to go way beyond is a good step into the future.

8. Give love, always

Love is about giving rather than receiving.

Love is a creative force that grows out of the desire to give more than you receive.

It is crucial that you are able to receive the love that is offerred to you otherwise it quickly dies, but you have to focus on the contribution you make to her.

“Give and you shall receive”, but give without expecting anything in return.

9. Pay attention to her

Women need attention all the time.

It is absolutely vital that you understand this. Many of the annoying habits that women have are merely attempts to get your attention. Take heed of them and pay attention.

Men are focused and directed and can easily lose themselves in what they are doing. This is one of the qualities that many women love in their men, but not to the exclusion of them.

You need to find a balance that shows how important your woman is to you without losing your passion for your mission.

10. Start afresh each day

Start again as if it was the first day of the relationship.

Welcome her into your world and look forward to your day together. Give her your love and tell her you love her. Do it again in a different way and repeat. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you where to go from here.

This refreshing of your love will keep it alive and bring you closer to each other. Through this your love will deepen and become an essential part of everyday you spend together.


So what is love… really?

It’s an overwhelming emotion you have about another person, an emotion that you can’t truly explain but you can’t get rid of.

It makes you want to be with that person, hold them, touch them, have sex with them. It shows itself as an exchange of energy, a polarity, that excites your soul.

Love makes you feel great and totally transforms life. Love is worship of the other person, the woman who is divine for you.

Love is the power house behind our lives, it is the reason we live.

  • Do you love yourself?
  • Do you live in your power?
  • Do you start afresh with your woman – every day?

Read the following articles to open up your perspective…

Other articles by Graham Reid Phoenix:

Be The Man Your Woman will Love
How To Love Yourself — The Key to your Amazing Future

Other relevant articles:

21 Things Every Person Who Loves A Woman Should Know
13 Qualities A Woman Has That Make You Love Her Forever

Image Credit: Flickr/Jan (Creative Commons)

This is a unique and powerful book. It is a record of a series of conversations with Christopher Howard on masculinity, sex, addiction and relationships. In them both Chris and myself opened ourselves up in a very personal and revealing way. We held nothing back and explored what it is to be men.

A journey through awareness, acceptance and authenticity to the core of the masculine.

Graham Reid Phoenix

Graham Reid Phoenix

I write about being a man, creativity and intentional living. I explore what masculinity means to men and women. Connect the dots in your life, experience your inner power and be in control of your life.
Graham Reid Phoenix

Latest posts by Graham Reid Phoenix (see all)

76 Responses to How To Love A Woman – 10 Ways For Men To Love

  1. dey s dis gal dat i love so much, i tol her but she is still doing me some how i.e by accepting as just frnds so what do i i do

  2. Hi Graham, I love my boyfriend so much, we have been dating for 5 Months and he want us to get married, but the problem is that he always get angry at everything I do and never appreciate my effort, and sometimes he abuses my physical look that am too short which make me feel depressed all the time , his feelings fluctuate his not even sure if he is really inlove, I gave up so many times , am tired and confused I don’t know what to do, please advice me

  3. Hey mister and all of you. I really need your help. i really dont know what to do with my girl. We are in a relationship right now and because of her past, i dont understand what i really felt for her now. i love her but i feel like she doesnt deserve me. yes im kinda insecure but she loves me more than i love her. But the problem here is that, i cant love her fully, because it feels like i dont really deserves her. but it breaks my heart not being with her. i mean i dont understand. urrrrrrrrggghhh please give me some tips 🙁 im desperate. Thanks

    • If someone loves you and you don’t return the love that is something within you it has nothing to do with that girl. What she did before you and her past is none of your business maybe something in your past happened to you and you keep nitpicking things about people to tear them apart so you don’t have to commit to a relationship. Either way if you don’t feel like you love her then let her go but don’t ever say nobody deserves you somebody deserves you it just depends on who you’re going to allowed to do that

  4. Mr.Graham
    I’m in a relationship with a lady who is older than me two years. I took mi some time to believe her because it was her who made da first move.afterwards we started seeing each other she made mi feel loved and I also loved her back after some time she had issues with work then our relationship has started to bore she nolonger want to give me the time she used to give me.need ur help because I want her back.because I don’t want to fall in love again with any person. Thnxs

  5. I am glad with what I read on this site. I fall in love with a girl 2013 and this lady was fiftheen years old and I was eighteen by then but our togetherness continued till date 2015. Our relationship is strickly platonic right from time and I been trying my best to keep her and reading these articles that I found on this page; I know that I will improve my love for her even though I am facing so many challenges but believing GOD I know that I will make it with her.


    • Just leave him. If he doesn’t respect you or do anything for you then leave. The only thing he is giving you is the opportunity to find someone better than him

  7. Hello. Thank you for this article. I’m glad I found this site. My bf has intimacy issues & it has affected our relationship for 5 years. He calls women Bs & thinks he shouldn’t have to do anything for me (because I work too), but has asked me for $, favors & help! He’s also selfish, brags about himself constantly & never keeps his promises. He is also verbally abusive at times & has accused me of cheating on him. At those times when he’s accused me, he has gone on dates with other women & sent me their pics. I should have said that he was my EX bf because he now is! This site has opened my eyes to how I should be treated as a woman & expect nothing less!

    • That’s terrible !! I’m appalled a man has the arrogance to act that way to you for 1 day never mind 5 years. I really feel your pain

  8. Hi sir…I love my girl so much…i propose my love to her via sms…no reply…even I hv her hp number…i got cal her too…didnt answer…every day I txt her something without any reply…still like one side love sir…i dont know what to do now…plz help me sir…

  9. Hey Graham….
    i love my girl so much dat she always asks why i really love i have to explain it? its pretty amazing to discover how i can love someone.

  10. I think an indication of love is if you do the things you have to do in order to make the relationship work, and this has to be consistent. Not everything in your life has to be consistent, but this does, that you always communicate what you need to communicate, what’s recurring in your mind. That you always do what she needs, not necessarily what she says she wants, (although you better pay attention to that too). This happens from your own filters, and what you see that she needs, not what she says, because you can’t trust that, unfortunately. But you have to explain what you see that she needs, for guidance, or else you will look like an ass even if you’re trying to do the right thing. If that doesn’t work, I don’t know what does.

  11. Mr. Graham
    My first approach to the girl i love i found her pretty simple, but at time goes on she totally changed to me, she even told me that she is married while she is not. Can you pls help me with some advices? Thanks.

  12. Hi.thanks fo ua wonderful is pretty nyc n swit.i love my wife so much n i blve she loves me bak but whenever we differ a little,she uses very hurting words n comments and claims to be mistreated,wishing to stay alone but she never quotes any of mistreatments in particular,a thing that hurts me immensely.I love her so much but her comments sometyms make me confused.She is so faithful n responsible.what can i do?

    • You need to respect her and her wishes. Perhaps you need to become the man she wants to be with. That’s what happened to me. Until I changed she didn’t want to be with me, now she is my wife.

  13. thank you so much for this page man. am still young in love, am 20 and my girlfriend is 18. my friends keep on telling me that I shouldn’t show my girlfriend that I love her so much and she’s my everything. that should keep it low that will make her feel insecure and always be right by y side. What’s your advice man. Please help. I love her so much and I can’t stop showing her the love I have for her.

    • Yes, you should show her that you love her, but you must ask yourself if it is neediness not love. Your friends are wrong, a woman needs to feel secure and safe with you, but she also needs to know it is her you love, not the idea of filling a void in you.

  14. I suck at being a husband, I didn’t have my father in my life growing up! I never agree with my wife, I just don’t know how to attend to her needs when she talks to me, I’m 51 years old I don’t think I ever can change. I know my wife is not happy with me, she try’s to make me understand her but I just can’t get it. She said, I’m wired acting!!!

    • Hi Ronnie, thanks for your comment. I understand what you are talking about – and I know it sucks! There is one thing, though, that I don’t agree with and that’s when you say, “I don’t think I ever can change”. That really isn’t true. You can change and I can show you how. Many of the men I work with start like you, with no father in their life. Email me at and we can arrange to talk. Graham

  15. This is wow, no doubt about it a man must love him self before he will be able to love someone, I love this words ” Love is worship of the other person”

  16. I need you to advice me.I love a gal in America,and I’m in south africa.I never meet her or talk to her,I invite her in social network and when I chat with her I get this weird feeling from everything in my body.she a student at america please help me.

  17. Graham, I love what you’ve written here, I really do!


    There’s nothing much else that comes to mind for me to say, right now, so THANK YOU for writing this!


  18. Your a bloody genious mate. I have been able to really set a bush fire under what was a flagging 20ys of marriage. Hey guys this stuf really works!


    • Hi Dave

      Thanks for that, I really appreciate it. It’s amazing what you can do when you step back and look at what’s going on. If you then take reponsibility and do something about it…

      Let me know how it works out.


  19. of a truth ,love is a virtue that we must all embrace. Thank you sir , i just discover your site which believe i that i can love people better now

    • That’s a pleasure, Blair. We all need to think about loving our women, give it our full attention. Graham

  20. This is a great list, I feel for me to be able to do this best I need to balance my alone time with together time.

    #7 is my favorite, its very easy to sit down and list all the immediate problems, so time should be taken to remember all the great times and struggles that you’ve made it through before.

  21. Great post, Graham. Like some of the others have mentioned, #4 especially struck a chord with me. I went through a period in my life where I lost my “power”; business challenges had me acting in all kinds of ways that were not aligned with my true self. And during this period of misalignment, I lost both my business and my woman.

    • Vic, thank you so much for sharing your experience. #4 is particularly important for me. I was divorced after a 35 year marriage and I lost my business. I eventually found my power and my current relationship, I will be married in a couple of months, is based on it. I know all about it from my partner and live it daily. Graham

  22. Graham:
    I thought this post was beautiful. I know this post is directed at men, but I think it was done so well and really shows us all what it means and how to truly love. I loved how it pointed us in the direction of conscious living and conscious relationships … really understanding and being sensitive to the needs of yourself and the person you are with. You have a great understanding of women and relationships. Great post with so much insight and wisdom. I will share it with all the men I know 🙂

    • Thank you so much for that, Sibyl. Yes, it’s written for men but there is much in it for all of us. I am looking at How women can love men and I hope to publish that soon.

      Conscious living is so important and a key that many people forget.

  23. I think one of the biggest pieces in relationships and love is that it is constantly changing. A man may love an attribute about his girl one day and be annoyed by it the next. Having open communication lines to express appreciation, desire, frustration, love and hate is necessary to a lasting relationship. In short, I really think a man has to be able to look at his partner and explain why the relationship works. Ideally, he will do that on occasion without prodding.

    • Hi Patrick, thanks for your comment.

      I agree about having open communication, that is essential. Without openness and honesty a relationship is destined for failure. I’m not sure, though, about loving an attribute one day and being annoyed the next. This doesn’t sound like a relationship of clarity. This is clearly a situation where the man is not sure of himself and projects his changing opinions on his partner, that is not a good way to proceed. As I said, a man needs to start by loving himself, when he does this these kind of fluctuations should disappear. Relationships grow and develop but shouldn’t constantly change. People grow and develop but if someone is constantly changing it suggests there are issues to be dealt with.

      • Sounds more like they have communication problems. The shifting of perception is just that… A shift of perception and not indicative of moral fall ability. Maybe they argue and his likes appear to be dislikes in an emotionally unstable context.

        • Yes, but the question is why they have communication problems. What is the shift in perception all about?

  24. Hi Graham,

    I enjoyed reading your suggestions. It’s the truth that most ways of getting the most out our relationships start with respecting, caring for ourselves too.

    You say: “‘Give and you shall receive’, but give without expecting anything in return.”

    … a great approach to have in mind for life, and any relationship.

    • Hi Scott, thanks for your comment. Certainly these suggestions for loving a women apply to any relationship and more generally in life. There will shifts in nuance but the principles behind them will always apply.

    • Arvind, thank you so much for that, your comment is so touching. I speak from my life and it’s so good to find it resonates with you.

  25. Michael

    Thank you for that, I appreciate it. I agree with you about lead, it’s such an important characteristic. Leadership is vital.

  26. I like this post Graham, you have some really good points. I would add to #4 with “Lead”. One of the things your woman loves about you is your ability as a man to lead (to lead her and others). Don’t ever shirk your leadership in your relationship.

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