Sex is something we all want, but do we enjoy it? Sex is something we all have, but does it make us feel better? My experience of sex left a lot to be desired. I did not understand my Male Sexuality.
Most of us do not want to talk about sex because we do not want to face the truth. We believe that those that do talk about sex are not telling the truth. At least we hope they are not telling the truth.
We feel that everyone else is having a great time with sex and we are the odd one out. We read about sex and it is never as we experience it. We feel ashamed about sex and so we hold in our shame in case we are made a fool of.
It is time to own up, I am writing in the second person to try and hide behind what I think everyone else thinks. I do not mean ‘we’, I mean ‘I’…
So much of the experience of being a man is bound up with sex, yet I have not talked about it much on ‘Graham Reid Phoenix’, on a personal level. Male Energy is bound up with Male Sexuality, yet all I have done is imply it.
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I talked about my experience working in a Strip Club in London’s Soho in ‘Sex and Power Working In A Strip Club’. I said,
“I was young, fresh looking and clearly inexperienced. I was prey for women and men. This might seem to be an ideal situation for a young man, one that many would do anything to get into. I thought that but found that it wasn’t quite so easy.”
In talking about my life in a strip club I still created a picture that many men might be envious of. While being truthful I made it seem like I had a better sex life than other men.
It is time to take off the covers, not to parade my life or as an ego trip, but to help you look at your life more honestly and help you choose to be more open. It is time to see that a lack of clarity on Male Sexuality also led to my lack of clarity on myself as a man.
I was a virgin until after I left home at the age of 18. I dated little as a boy and my only experience of sex was on my own and, briefly, with another boy. None of the experiences were at all memorable.
I left home to work in the theatre. Once I was in that environment I started to experience what it was like to have sex with another person.
For the first year I experienced what it was like to be pursued by a woman/girl. I was young and good looking and I was sought out. It sounds fabulous but in practice I was not in control, not even of myself, and I did not know how to relax and enjoy myself.
I also found myself sought after by men, I did not respond and found I was not interested. Although I was an innocent I discovered where my sexuality lay.
I then spent a few years trying to initiate relationships with little success. I did not know what I was doing and I had no idea how to relate to a woman in an intimate way. This was disturbing, especially when I worked at the strip club.
I found myself to be shy and afraid of what would happen. I did not feel myself to be a man at all, just a boy who had not grown yet.
Eventually I got together with a girl in an exciting, passionate relationship. I must admit, though, that it was still initiated by her. I started to relax and enjoy myself. I started to learn, not just about sex, about how to find my strength and be confident in what I was doing.
This relationship lasted a long time. When it eventually finished I realised that I had not learned as much as I thought. I was now experiencing an inability to perform and I had no idea how to deal with it. This was worrying.
After I shifted as a man and found real confidence in myself, I found I could deal with this issue. When I let go of the outcome and just fell into the fun of the whole thing I found the true power and stimulation of sex.
It took many years to get there, many years to let go of being led there by others. It took many years to find myself and find sex.
Sex is powerful and, as a result, it can be very difficult to find the Male Sexuality, behind, can get buried under uncertainty and shame.
"Outstanding, insightful and thought-provoking"
"Finally. Dialogue to comprehend!!!"
"Journey to the Core of the Masculine is many things: a guide to masculinity, a much needed resource for the men of our time, but above all, a great read."
This is a unique and powerful book. It is a record of a series of conversations I had with Christopher Howard on masculinity, sex, addiction and relationships. In them both Chris and myself opened ourselves up in a very personal and revealing way. We held nothing back and explored what it is to be men.