How To Love An Angry Man – Part 2
Dear Dr. Jed,
I’m worried about my husband. He’s angry all the time and blames me for everything that is wrong. He calls me names, yells at me, looks at me with such hatred, I want to disappear. He’s never hit me, but I’m afraid of him. He totally denies that there are any problems with him. When he gets mad he calls me a bitch and a lot worse and tells me I’m crazy and should be hospitalized.
His beliefs get reinforced by his family who also denies that there is anything wrong with him, though they’ve seen how angry and abusive he can be. They tell me that he wasn’t depressed before he married me so it must be me that is the problem.
I love my husband with all my heart and I want to get him the help he needs. I know that he must be suffering. If he would just acknowledge the problem I’m sure we could work things out. Can you help me get through to him? SL.
I get calls and e-mails regularly from women who are concerned about the man in their lives. They don’t understand his anger and rage and often feel blamed, demeaned, and abused. They often tell me that he’s been verbally or physically abusive. Most go on to tell me that they love their husband and want to do everything they can to help him so that they can return to the kind of good relationship they remember having before his anger became a constant plague in their relationship.
They often recognize that the anger and rage may be covering over other feelings (which I discuss for fully here). They also may recognize that his outbursts may be symptoms of depression and or manic depression (bipolar disorder).